Being the Perfect Woman

When I was dreaming about being a mom, I always pictured myself with a little boy.  Momma's little guy, ready to play sports, dig in the dirt, climb trees and be tough.  So, when the ultrasound tech said "it's a female", I'm not ashamed to admit it, I started sobbing.  I just didn't know if I could handle raising a little girl.  After all, I was one and I knew all that came with girls.  The hormones and the rolling eyes.  The boys.  Oh god, the boys.  And the mean girls.  Oh, hell. What was I going to do??

I refused to buy anything pink.  I painted Gabriella's room yellow with teal accents.  I refused to buy newborn dresses and hair bows.  I told my sister "HELL NO" when she offered up her daughter's pricess dresses.   I am determined to not raise a princess.   I started reading this article about how most 6 year old girls want to be sexy.

"Across-the-board, girls chose the "sexy" doll most often. The results were significant in two categories: 68 percent of the girls said the doll looked how she wanted to look, and 72 percent said she was more popular than the non-sexy doll.

"It's very possible that girls wanted to look like the sexy doll because they believe sexiness leads to popularity, which comes with many social advantages," explained lead researcher Christy Starr, who was particularly surprised at how many 6- to 7-year-old girls chose the sexualized doll as their ideal self."

Time magazine's article on this study pointed out that "Interestingly, media consumption did not seem to play a role in the doll they picked. But a mother’s self-image did. Those girls with moms who reported self-objectifying tendencies, like worrying about their clothes and appearance many times a day, were more likely to pick the sexy doll."  Read more: http://ideas.time.com/2012/07/30/the-tyranny-of-the-sexy-mom/?hpt=hp_t2#ixzz24OhAjw00

It's my job as her mother to make sure she has a positive self image.  Not anyone else. I'm determined to make sure to tell her often that she is smart, kind, strong and funny.   How do I do that? By watching how I talk about myself and other women.  

The world is a big scary place for a little girl. And I have to teach her about being a strong, independant woman really is.  Women these days are so pressured to be everything.  Martha Stewart meets Kim Kardashian meets Hillary Clinton.  The perfect hostess, party planner, gourmet cook, athlete, model, celebrity, fashionista.  Frankly, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

This past weekend I took her for her first photo shoot.  Now, with a little girl this pretty - teaching her that looks aren't everything shouldn't be too tough - right?

For Her, For Me

In 2006, after I got married, I felt let down. The party, the details, the world that I had been living in for 2 years was over...and there I was, a old married lady.   So depressed and yet obsessed with my own wedding, I took my 10 years of corporate event knowledge - grabbed one of my best friends and hastily started a wedding planning business - Simply Sparkling Events.   We kept those day jobs, and even though it was hard working almost 7 days a week - we were good at wedding planning, it was fun and creative.  And hard.  Dealing with other people's weddings, difficult mothers, even more difficult maid of honors, drunk best men - ugh.  That could be  blog all on it's own.

In any case, in 2009 my husband and I decided to get pregnant.  Knowing that I couldn't possibly juggle a full time job, a part-time business and motherhood, I told my best friend and business partner I was out of the wedding planning game.

2 years later, after months of tears, doctor appointments and words like "unexplained infertility", "IVF" and "IUI" - we still weren't pregnant. I had given up on my business for nothing, my day job was getting unbearable and my marriage was showing signs of strain. 

I started seriously thinking about what my life would be like without children.  Would I stay living in the suburbs?  Should I start another business? What could possibly fill that hole in my heart where my love for my child would be.

Then, a miracle.  2 years, and over $10,000 later - in the month that we were "taking off, we got pregnant.    And now, I'm the proud mother of my beautiful baby girl, Gabriella.

This blog is for her, for me and for all those women struggling right now with feeling that emptiness that infertility brings into your life.  And, oh yeah  - some event planning too.